The human heart was never intended to do intimacy in microwave fashion. When relationships are required to operate in excessive megahertz there are usually excessive mega-hurts! Look around and see the fallout of lives where taking time was not priority.

We live in a microwave, fast lane, express culture where ‘blur’ is the natural perspective and ‘rush’ the natural rhythm of life. In this vortex of activity, money has been replaced by time as the principle premium commodity of value. Whoever said Rome wasn’t built in a day didn’t live in the 21st century where ‘fast’ is the new ‘slow’ and innovation lags behind invention!

We actually have been conditioned to believe that we can actually do all things in the shortest period of time possible. But while industry thrives on production in less time, intimacy never will. The human heart was never intended to do intimacy in microwave fashion. When relationships are required to operate in excessive megahertz there are usually excessive mega-hurts! Look around and see the fallout of lives where taking time was not priority.

Churches can sometimes be notorious in reflecting the culture too much and reinforcing the chaotic rhythms of life to the beat of a manic metronome. One of the best gifts we can give to each other is time — time to process the groanings of our heart; time to hear and be heard; time to care and be cared for. Time to hear the voice of God and actually deal with the “now what” of it rather than the “what’s next?” It only takes a few moments to absorb content into the mind, but it takes time to apply the intent of that content to the soul.

Dynamic, transformational small groups discourage and outlaw a “drive-thru” Christianity and favor more a “drive-in and park” environment. They give and take time to hear the whisper of the still small voice of God as well as the murmurs of the hearts in response to that Word as they all bring their chaos-riddled lives to it. Honoring time gives everyone in the group time to better “know and be known” with the understanding that such revelations gained can stabilize one’s life when they reengage the frenzy of real world obligations.

Practicing this healthy priority can be expressed in several ways.

First, avoid the trap of responding to each other in Bible studies with only answers to the questions on the page. Take time to read between the lines by seeking to discuss how the truths they encountered impact real life…their real life. In my small group, when I take the husbands into another room after our group has studied together, I start off by asking the question, “How does what we have just studied and discussed affect us as fathers, husbands and men?” Small groups must consecrate time during the study to allow for the ‘rubber to hit the road.’ This is one of the ways Scripture can be experienced as the Living Word of God for life.

Second, do not allow your formal meetings to be the exclusive venue of interaction. So much of life happens in the informal and in-between gatherings. For our group, periodically we will schedule breakfasts, lunches, or game nights where we hang out and bear down on whatever comes up. These times are especially effective in creating friendship and community where there is no other agenda than that.Keep in mind that this does not mean that all members need to attend. As long as there is at least one other person, time can be well spent if the goal is developing deeper friendship.

Third, observe a combination of the previous 2. Use informal, in between times to follow-up on things said and discovered during the formal gathering. In this way people can know that they have been heard and that what they said really mattered. This can happen at a restaurant, bowling alley, or coffee shop but can also take place on the phone or via email (though probably not Facebook!) The point here is to take time to connect with one another’s hearts and minds in a way that fosters friendship.

Individual Christ-follower: are you taking the initiative to connect with a member of your group outside of the group meeting times in meaningful ways? Don’t wait for the leader to do this for you. Step up and out and make time for a group member!

Small Group Leader: are you encouraging and facilitating times for your members to be together in significant ways? Have you considered using one of your times you study the Bible as opportunities to “study one another”?